Where I Belong - R.V.Elliott

Chapter 43 

I had shot someone dead. I killed someones son, someone's brother maybe even someone's dad. I never gave it a second thought, just pulled the trigger. I couldn't take my eyes off his still figure laying at the side of my bed his blood smeared over my carpet, his eyes open staring right at me. Pulling my knees up to my chin I wrapped my arms around them trying to stop my body from shaking but it wouldn't stop. How could I ever live with myself knowing I had killed someone? Hearing the roar of a motor bike my head snapped in the direction of the window. What if it was a member of his MC? What if they were coming back to get me? Quickly getting to my feet I grabbed the gun running straight for my bathroom and locking the door behind me. 

If I wasn't here this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have blood on my hands, I wouldn't have to deal with people coming after me. Why did my dad have to be mixed up in this? Why was I the one getting punished for his mistakes. Feeling the tears slide down my cheeks I blinked them away. I was never going to have a normal life. I couldn't get up and run away from it all. I couldn't hide from nothing because it wouldn't take long before someone found me and after today there was no way my dad was letting me out without someone with me. 

Hearing the heavy footsteps out side the door I held my breath trying to stop the sob from escaping past my lips. Jumping back from the slight bang against the door I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip my eyes going straight towards the handle as it moved downwards. 

"Sweets come on out". 

My full body relaxed at the sound of his voice. On shaky legs I unlocked the door and pulled it open. Closing the small distance between us he took the gun from my hands and shoved it into the back of his jeans. Taking my hand he lead me out of the bathroom and back into my bedroom. Stopping my eyes landed back on the dead body. 

"Clean yourself up and then get your ass back to the clubhouse" He muttered pulling out his phone. I heard what he said but I couldn't move, my legs wouldn't work and I couldn't break my stare from the guy I had killed. 

"I killed him" I whispered "W-what am I going to do? What if someone heard the gun shot? What if the cops are coming? Blaze I-I didn't mean to kill him but he came at me and.. I have to leave, I have to get out of here and as far away from this place. I can't stay here anymore. They'll lock me up" Frantically pacing my bedroom a cry 

fell from my lips as Blaze grabbed ahold of my shoulders spinning me around so I could face him. 

"You didn't do this I did. Now get yourself cleaned up and get back to the clubhouse". 

"I only shot the gun once. First time I've ever used a gun properly and I manage to kill someone. Bullet straight through his head. How can I live with the guilt? I'm not a bad person I save lives not take them. I-I have to hand myself in that's the right thing to do". 

"Ava" He snapped shaking my shoulders making me look up into his eyes. "Get the fuck out of here now. I'm not going to tell you again" He growled grabbing a hold of my chin "That bastard deserved what he got. He would have hurt you if you hadnt pulled that trigger. Darlin' this isn't your fault so get those crazy thoughts out of your head. Please listen to me and go back to the clubhouse. Can you do that for me sweetheart?" He asked his thumb tracing over my bottom lip. He was right if I hadn't of pulled the trigger god knows what would have happened to me. It still didn't make me feel any better about what I had done though. "I'll handle this but please go back to the clubhouse". 

"O-okay" I stuttered as he kissed away my tears. "Go I'll see you soon" He whispered kissing the top of my head. 

Pulling the hood of my jacket over my head I ducked inside my car closing the door quickly behind me. With shaky hands I put my key in the ignition and pulled out of my drive way. How was I going to get over what I had done? Even though his intentions with me weren't good and if I hadn't of pulled the trigger he would have took me. Taking my sunglasses of the dash board I slipped them over my eyes. Even though Blaze told me to go back to the clubhouse I couldn't. I don't know if he's told my dad or the rest of them what's happened and I can't lie. He would know something was up just by taking one look at me. 

Could always run? 

Sighing I turned my car around and made my way to the clubhouse. I couldn't run from this. I killed someone. Someone that was going to hurt me. So why did I feel sick to my stomach every time I thought about it? I shouldn't feel sick, I shouldn't feel guilty. Maybe Blaze was right maybe he did deserve what he got, what I did to him. Stopping my car in the lot I jumped out not removing my hood nor my sunglasses. If they couldn't see my eyes then I could lie. Strolling through the clubhouse I stopped when I noticed it was only Sandra, Kelsey and a few of the other girls. Where was everyone else? 

"They're out taking care of business" Kelsey shrugged as she approached me. Feeling my body physically relax I took my hood down and pushed my sunglasses onto 

the top of my head. "You're dad sent your mom and Lily away to some cabin a few miles away. Whatever is going down must be bad". 

Whatever it was they could deal with it. I had my own problems to take care of and right now I wanted nothing more than to lock myself away so I could be on my own. Edging towards the bar I leaned over and grabbed a bottle of Jack before making my way through to Blazes room. I needed something to take the edge off. Something that would make me forget what I did. Once in his room I locked the door behind me and headed straight for his bathroom. Turning the shower on I broke the seal on the bottle of Jack and started drinking it. I didn't care that it burned as it slide down my throat I didn't care that I felt sick. I wanted to forget at least just for a couple of hours. Pulling the bottle away from my lips I wiped my mouth catching my reflection in the mirror. At this moment I didn't recognise the girl looking back. How could I go from being a happy go lucky girl with everything I've ever wanted to this? Bringing the bottle back to my lips I took another long drink before balling my hand into a fist and forcing it through the mirror. I didn't like what I saw, I didn't like that I had changed, changed into a person I didn't recognise. Dropping my hands to my sides I stumbled towards the shower and got in not bothering that I was still fully clothed. 

Sliding down the wall I pulled my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around them. As the water battered of my back I couldn't control my emotions as my tears started to fall. Ever since I moved here nothing has went right. No matter how hard I try or how hard I push myself there's always something there waiting to knock me down. Feeling the vibrations against my hip I pulled out my phone and threw it across the room watching as it hit of the radiator. I wasn't in the mood for talking with anyone. Bringing the bottle back to my lips I kept on swallowing until I felt the bile rise in the back of my throat. As the bottle slipped from my hand I leaned forward as I vomited. Coughing and spluttering I fell backwards against the wall closing my eyes as I wiped at my mouth. 

I don't know how long I stayed like that but once the pounding started in my head I knew it was time to get out. Getting myself to my feet I picked up the bottle I dropped and stumbled towards the bathroom door. I don't know why I thought drinking would make me feel better. It only made me feel ten times worse. My head was pounding my eyes were sore and my hand was burst open. Unlocking it I pulled it open wincing when it smacked against the wall. Setting the bottle on his chest of drawers I began to strip out of my wet clothes. Every piece of my clothing was soaked right through. Pulling my jumper and T-shirt off together I chucked them over my head not caring where they landed. I knew I couldn't drink for shit but I never realised how quickly it would go to my head. Standing in my bra and jeans I grabbed the bottle and again took another large drink. Screwing my face up I quickly swallowed it down trying to ignore the burning in my throat. Bottle in hand I began unbuttoning my jeans, with them being wet they felt like a second skin making it harder for me to get them off. Taking another drink again I chucked it behind me not caring where 

it landed. Hearing the smash made me turn round causing me to fall over my own feet and fall flat onto my face. Feeling the laughter build up inside of me it slipped from my lips as I was currently face planting the carpet. 

"What the fuck?" 

Turning my head to where his voice came from I gave him a sloppy grin. "Are you going to help me up?" I laughed "Or are you just going to stare at me?". 

Turning onto my back I hooked my thumbs into my belt loops and attempted to pull my jeans off. Getting them past my bum and thighs was as far as I got before I gave up. "Seriously Cage I-I...What is it I need you for again?" I laughed throwing my arm over my forehead. 

"Ava please cover yourself up. Blaze will-.." 

"I am covered. Now come and help me up" I grinned moving my arm of my forehead and holding out my hand towards him. Watching him I noticed his eyes move from my face to my jeans and then back to my face. Taking out his phone he dialed a number and then put it to his ear. Sighing I dropped my arm and attempted to get myself up. Pulling the top half of my body up it was then that I realised I had not only pulled my jeans down but my panties had came down with them. So that's why he told me to cover up. Giggling to myself I glanced over to where Cage was stood only he had turned around so his back was to me. The last thing I heard him say before he hung up was "you need to get in here now". 

"I know you've seen a pussy before Cage" I laughed noting that he hadn't turned back around. "If you are not going to help me up then make yourself useful and get me another bottle". 

"I think you've had enough" Came the rough voice that belonged to Blaze. Of course he would have phoned him. Why do they have to go running to him all the time? "Grass" I hissed sticking my tongue out at Cage. "Wanna come join my party of one?" I grinned trying to get to my feet but failing miserably. Laughing I fell onto my back turning my head so I could look at them. "Why did you have to call him? He'll just ruin my fun" I pouted. 

Passing words between each other quietly Cage patted Blaze on the back before leaving closing the door shut behind him. Oh great just what I wanted, to be left alone with Blaze..Not. Not taking my eyes of him I watched as he glanced around the room his eyes falling into slits as they stopped on his broken t.v. Sinking my teeth into my bottom lip I pulled the top half of my body up and managed to turn so I could get on my knees. Grabbing a hold of my jeans I tried yanking them up but because they were wet they wouldn't budge. Leaning back against the bedroom door he took out his smokes and lit one up. Dragging a hand through his hair he sighed before 

turning his focus to me. "No need to ask what you've been up to this afternoon". He said letting out a puff of smoke. " Other than killing someone?" I asked grabbing a hold of the bed frame and pulling myself to my feet. He was ruining my buzz, I needed more alcohol. As if he could read my mind he slide the lock on his door. Glaring at him I crossed my arms over my chest. Walking towards me he gripped my jeans and pulled them up causing a cry to fall from my lips. Why did he have to be so rough? "You're soaking. What the fuck have you been up to?" He asked letting me go so he could slip his cut off. Pulling his jumped off he slipped it over my head. "You're going to catch the fucking cold" He growled placing his hands back on my jeans and pulling them down along with my soaked panties. The cold was the least of my worries. Taking a hold of the bottom of his jumped I pulled it down properly so it was covering my bum. "Lift you feet" He snapped. Placing my hand on his shoulder I lifted one foot and then the other. Watching him stand he threw my wet clothes into his washing basket. 

"Why are you being so moody?" I asked my buzz disappearing as fast as it came. Now I was left with a moody Blaze and a thumping headache. Was he angry because I was drunk? Or maybe he was angry because Cage saw me half naked. And yes he was giving me the silent treatment. I didn't care all I wanted was another drink and maybe something a little stronger to make me feel better. Shrugging my shoulders I side stepped him and made my way for the door. Being out there has got to be better than staying in here. 

"Not a chance in hell are you going out there in just that. In fact you're not going out there at all" He growled storming towards me causing me to take a step back. Not being able to help it the laugh fell from my lips. "You don't scare me Blaze. So take your caveman act somewhere else". Twisting the lock I had my hand on the door handle ready to pull only to be lifted off the ground and thrown onto his bed. "You can't do this" I yelled balling my hands into fists wincing as the pain shot through my right hand. Bringing it into eye sight I noticed my knuckles were all burst open and I had a nasty cut on my palm. 

"I owe you a mirror as well as a t.v" I muttered running my finger over my knuckles. Sighing I crawled up his bed so I could rest my head against his head board. Taking a seat beside me he took my hand in his examining it. "Doesn't look like you need stitches but they do look pretty nasty and swollen. Look Ava I know what happened today was bad and scary but I'm glad you did it because if you hadn't you wouldn't be here and I hate to think what that bastard would have done to you but babe this isn't you" He sighed letting go of my hand. "Getting drunk in the middle of the day, prancing around in nothing but underwear. Heck you made Cage blush for fuck sake". 

"He came in at the wrong time" 

"He heard a bang and thought he'd check it out. I'll tell you this though it'll be the first and last time he'll ever see you like that. Fucker did the right thing by calling me". 

"Oh yeah because the only one aloud to see me naked is you" I huffed rolling my eyes. "Why is my mom at some cabin?" I asked a yawn escaping my mouth. I knew something was going on or going to happen but I wanted to see if he would tell me what it was. "Club business now you get some sleep we're still heading out tonight". Obviously something big if he couldn't tell me. "Vagos have nothing to do with my house" I said as he got off the bed turning to look at me. "That guy made a comment about my daddy buying the house for me so I know it wasn't them". 

"Doesn't matter. Get some sleep we'll leave when your not drunk and your feeling better". Just as I was about to say something he walked out the room slamming the door shut behind him. 

Peeling my eyes open I jumped up when I released it was dark outside. How long had I slept? Pulling the covers back I placed my feet onto the floor and got myself up. Holding my head I groaned at how bad I felt. I really needed to stop turning to alcohol to make me feel better. It wasn't worth the way I felt when I woke up. 

Flushing the toilet I washed my hands drying the off on a towel that was lying in a heap on the floor. Looking around the room I groaned at the mess I had made. The 

I 

broken glass from the mirror still lay shattered on the floor along with splatters of my blood. Coming to the decision that I would clean it up later I exited the bathroom. Rummaging through the washing basket I cursed when I found that my jeans were still wet. Only other option I had was to find a pair of Blazes trousers or go out there flashing my ass to the world and I don't think my dad would appreciate that. Rolling his jogging bottoms up at the waist I tied his T-shirt into a knot at the back. If I had to wear his clothes then I at least had to try and make them fit. Wincing as I pulled the bobble from my knotted hair I ran my fingers through it before tying it up into a messy bum. I probably didn't look my best but fuck it if I gave a shit. Opening the door to Blazes room I frowned hearing the loud music coming from the bar area. Don't these people ever have a quiet night? 

Making my way into the bar area my eyes landed on the mass of people surrounding me. What the hell was going on? Making my way through I smiled and nodded my head at everyone I passed. Did I want to? No but I also didn't want to be rude. Catching sight of Tommy with two girls sitting on each knee it came to me why the place was packed. Even though Tommy was home and well I didn't feel like celebrating not after the shitty day I had. Managing to sneak past my dad I snuck out the front door. Sucking in the fresh air I passed a few members from another charter smiling as I went. Walking towards my car I jumped up sitting on the bonnet.